MA Features: FINDING SOMEONE SPECIAL? 4 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW by Ruth Dulac

What do you want? A companion, a serious relationship or just to make friends with the hope of a long-term relationship? While at this, you sure will definitely have specs. Specs like who you want to be with, if he’s tall, short, stout, thin, old, divorced etc. and the list goes on and on to include personal choices and preferences in people.

What exactly do you need to know when finding someone special? Let’s check these tips below.

  1. Let go of your need to be right

It’s as easy as it is, are you the ‘I’m right, you just don’t see it, you’ve never been happy if I tell you the truth’ type? If yes, I suggest you let go of your need to be right. In a relationship, you have to make lots of sacrifices and compromise bearing in mind this person is totally different from you. You both don’t have the same mental intellect; same sense of understanding, thereby, issues will arise. You must not always win an argument. Even when right, don’t always claim so.

It’s always good to know the kind of relationship you want. A great relationship is all about agreeing to disagree in order to agree later (I hope that came off well?). In the end, do you want a harmonious love relationship or to be right?

  1. Don’t be in the relationship because you’re lonely

What’s your reason for wanting to go into a new relationship? Is it to satisfy your ascetic needs or you’re scared of being all by yourself? Whatever the reason is, you ought to make sure that you’re not dating because you’re lonely. This isn’t the best idea of all times.

Be sure of yourself, find the core base of your life, invest in them, go out, explore, meet people, have fun be happy and then that feeling of loneliness won’t be welcomed anymore. This is the best time to get back into the dating scene.

  1. Don’t follow your list

He/she must be tall, handsome/pretty, a lawyer/banker, funny, jovial etc. etc. these are lists. They don’t make for a good relationship. They are just fantasies we build up because if actually our spec should arrive, I’m certain most of us will never continue with that relationship because he/she would just be perfect and no one is perfect. We can only try. You should always have something to long for but don’t prioritize it.

If you really must find the right one, you must make sure you don’t have checklists.

  1. Don’t confuse feelings with sympathy

Most people date out of sympathy maybe because this person has been kind to them and the only way to say thanks is to say ‘yes I’ll be your date’ or maybe she has told you lots of what she’s been through and you don’t like the idea that she has suffered a lot and you think you are in the best position to make her smile. This is sympathetic dating. It is not based on your true feelings, you didn’t just fall in love with this person, you fell in love with what you’ve heard about this person and you’re like ‘hmmm! I think he would make a great guy, a trial won’t hurt anyone’, ‘she’s great, how come no one ever sees that, she needs someone like me who would bring out the spark in her’ etc.

Most people especially ladies have this in mind when you ask them out ‘let me manage him, he’s not really what I want but, let’s see how it goes’.

This is so wrong. You shouldn’t date someone because you’ve ran out of luck with either the guys or the ladies and you’re getting old and wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life alone or you just want that relationship because you want to be married and this is the only guy who will marry you. This is just settling for mediocrity.

Darling, ask questions. If you’ve unloaded all your problems on this person, be sure to ask questions like ‘are you truly dating me because you love me, or are you dating me because you pity me’. Don’t be scared. It’s about you now. Know everything you need to know because that’s the only way to be happy.

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